I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
