U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
