i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
