Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
did i just pee glitter
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
