remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think your dad took our porno
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
