well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i came on her dog
he fucked my hip out of place.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
