I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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