I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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