I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
