WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
