I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
