You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
