so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
