why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
