I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
