she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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