I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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