I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
