I accidentally burped into my bong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
