Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I think i got beer on your cat.
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