I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
