One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
