The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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