I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
