you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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