Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
