Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
