New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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