She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
