A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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