two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
