In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
how does that bad decision feel?
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