HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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