Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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