we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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