And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
