You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
