Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
