Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
