its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
