im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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