i don't like sucking hair
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
