it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
