I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
