that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Randomize
