You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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