Plan B is the new Plan A
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
