Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
