So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
