He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Text me some of your sweat
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