True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
