Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
