Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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