Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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