i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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